Series Grief and Heartbreak: Forgiveness - Article 3 of 6

What about forgiveness?

Forgiveness is best described as a decision to let go of feelings of anger, resentment and disappointment toward someone you believe has wronged you. However, somewhere in your mind, there may be feelings of guilt because you have a belief that you might have done something to deserve such hurt. This is especially true if you have been rejected and heartbroken by the collapse of an important, long-term relationship.

Research has shown that if you have compassion for yourself, as well as the ability to forgive yourself for perceived, or real, wrong-doings, it will help to reduce anxiety and stress caused by a broken heart.

About self-forgiveness.

Forgiving yourself is more than just putting the past behind you and moving on. Studies have indicated that facing and accepting what has happened to you, or what you have done, perception or not, it is the first step to forgiveness on both levels. By taking responsibility that you have hurt others, who have hurt you, you can avoid negative emotions like excessive regret and guilty feelings. 

Remember that you do not have to wait for someone to forgive you before you can make the effort to forgive yourself. You can decide whether you want to stay bound in guilt, or move forward with confidence. If your heart has been broken and you are still reeling from the pain, begin the process of putting forgiveness into practice, which can help you reduce the issues of stress and anxiety you may be experiencing.

Repairing the damage.

Making amends is an important part of forgiveness, even if the person you most want to forgive is yourself. Apologise, if it is needed, and look for other considerate ways you can make up for your mistakes. If you are the offended one, it may seem that you are not getting any benefit from this process, but there may have other things that you regret and feel sorry for.

If you fall into a trap of brooding about your errors, it can be damaging, and make it difficult to maintain your motivation to carry on. Mistakes in a relationship may be painful, but if you are able to forgive yourself for your part in the strife, it is one of the ways to help you start to move on with your life.

Moving on.

Experts agree that the most effective way to do this is by means of hypnotherapy which can access the subconscious mind, and establish which issues are responsible for guilt feelings that hold you back. Once you get to the root causes which prevent you from forgiving yourself, a healing process can begin to take place.

Here are some of the ways therapy can help you deal with pain, grief, and heartbreak:

·        You will learn how to focus on your emotions, accept that you have made a mistake, and are prepared to let it go and move on.

·        Therapy will help you to change the thought patterns that may cause you to constantly criticise yourself, and take the blame for something which may not have been your fault.

·        You will also learn how to approach anxious situations differently, and overcome fears by correcting irrational thoughts and negative behaviours.

The therapist can help you to create a new mindset, free of baggage and negativity, and allow you to move forward with restored confidence and self-esteem.

Series: Dealing With Grief From A Heartbreak. Article 2 of 6 - Rejection

What is rejection?

Rejection can be defined as being pushed away by someone, or excluded from something. You may experience rejection from a romantic partner, a family member, a friend, or even a social group. However, no matter what form it takes, the resulting emotions can be painful.

In the field of mental health, rejection is usually identified with feelings of grief or sadness, when one is not accepted by others. This is especially true if you are rejected by the partner who is in a close relationship with you. In extreme cases of rejection, the pain is great enough for some people to isolate themselves from connecting with others, for fear of suffering rejection yet again. This fear and sensitivity to rejection may also lead to loneliness and depression if you withdraw from others.   

Some types of rejection.

Some common types of rejection include:

·        Familial rejection. This can consist of abuse, neglect, or withholding of love and affection by a family member. It often starts when you are young and this kind of rejection has the potential to negatively affect you for life.

·        Social rejection. This can apply to any social group which you may want to be part of. This may occur at a sports club, in the workplace, and even during your school days. Rejection of this kind can make you feel isolated and erode your self-confidence.

·        Romantic rejection. People involved in a long-lasting romantic relationship who hope it will develop into something permanent, will be heartbroken if the relationship breaks up because a partner wants out. This type of rejection is particularly painful and the feelings of grief and loss may last for an extraordinary long while.

All forms of rejection can hurt, and when the heartbreak and rejection is caused by a loved one, it may be devastating for your self-worth and self-confidence.  

Psychological effects of heartbreak from rejection.

Here are some of the emotional effects of rejection:

·        Trauma. Some people develop a chronic fear of rejection, sometimes as a result of multiple experiences with rejection early in life.

·        Depression. Mental health care experts agree that most people experience feelings of shame, guilt and grief, when they feel they are not accepted by others. This has been linked to depression, which actually makes rejection issues worse.

·        Pain response. Research has indicated that the brain responds to emotional pain in a very similar way that it responds to physical pain. Pain from heartbreak may manifest in overeating, migraine headaches, and muscle tension.

·        Anxiety and stress. Pain from rejection may also worsen pre-existing conditions such as anxiety and stress, or potentially lead to development of these issues as a serious mental health problem.  

While the pain from heartbreak and rejection is very real, mental health practitioners advise strongly against embracing feelings of aggression or resentment against the perpetrator of your heartbreak. They maintain that these feelings are not healthy and will not help you to recover. It will be of benefit if one can accept the fact that there are many types of rejection that can occur in daily life. If you have suffered a romantic rejection, acceptance may help to put things in perspective and contribute to your healing.